• Allow the person to grieve in whatever way and for as long as each person needs
• Reassure them that their feelings are not unusual
• Accept that they may be struggling with explosive emotions, guilt, fear and shame
• Be patient and understanding
• Express sympathy about the death
• Reassure them that the death was not their fault
• Do not criticize them for expressing their emotions in an inappropriate way
• Do not instruct them or give them and explanation about how they should feel
• Remember that an unexpected death is a life altering experience
• The faith and spirituality of grievers needs to be respected
• Allow them to be angry with God - realize that if they are angry with God it speaks of them having a relationship with God
• Don’t judge - be a loving friend
• Encourage them to talk with their clergy
• Allow grievers to cry freely
• It is a healthy expression of grief and pain and releases tension
• Providing soft tissues can be very helpful
• Allowing grievers to talk about the victim, their life, the accident, murder, suicide, etc.
• Just being present and listening without judgement are critical helping tools
• Listen attentively
• You do not have to answer
• Realize that the repetitive retelling of the incident is a critical part of the hea ling process
• Avoid simplistic explanations and cliches
• Comments like, “Time heals all wounds,” “I know how you feel,” or “You need to be strong for other” are not constructive
• Instead, they hurt and make a friends journey through grief more difficult
• The best gift you can give someone who is grieving is not to impose your thoughts and feelings on the griever
• Use the name of the person who has died when talking to grievers
• Hearing the name can be comforting and confirms that their loved one has not been forgotten
• Allow grievers to get angry with others, the ceased, the criminal, the criminal justice system, or simply the unfairness of life
• Anger needs expression
• Do not take their anger personally
• Offering your time is valuable
• Families need meals, driving to appointments, gathering information, picking up relatives, organizing or providing places for people to stay, answering the phone, making phone calls, taking care of children
• Remember the grievers and deceased at holiday times, anniversary date of the death and birthdays
• Let them know that your are their friend and that they mean a great deal to you
• Reassure them that their feelings are not unusual
• Accept that they may be struggling with explosive emotions, guilt, fear and shame
• Be patient and understanding
• Express sympathy about the death
• Reassure them that the death was not their fault
• Do not criticize them for expressing their emotions in an inappropriate way
• Do not instruct them or give them and explanation about how they should feel
• Remember that an unexpected death is a life altering experience
• The faith and spirituality of grievers needs to be respected
• Allow them to be angry with God - realize that if they are angry with God it speaks of them having a relationship with God
• Don’t judge - be a loving friend
• Encourage them to talk with their clergy
• Allow grievers to cry freely
• It is a healthy expression of grief and pain and releases tension
• Providing soft tissues can be very helpful
• Allowing grievers to talk about the victim, their life, the accident, murder, suicide, etc.
• Just being present and listening without judgement are critical helping tools
• Listen attentively
• You do not have to answer
• Realize that the repetitive retelling of the incident is a critical part of the hea ling process
• Avoid simplistic explanations and cliches
• Comments like, “Time heals all wounds,” “I know how you feel,” or “You need to be strong for other” are not constructive
• Instead, they hurt and make a friends journey through grief more difficult
• The best gift you can give someone who is grieving is not to impose your thoughts and feelings on the griever
• Use the name of the person who has died when talking to grievers
• Hearing the name can be comforting and confirms that their loved one has not been forgotten
• Allow grievers to get angry with others, the ceased, the criminal, the criminal justice system, or simply the unfairness of life
• Anger needs expression
• Do not take their anger personally
• Offering your time is valuable
• Families need meals, driving to appointments, gathering information, picking up relatives, organizing or providing places for people to stay, answering the phone, making phone calls, taking care of children
• Remember the grievers and deceased at holiday times, anniversary date of the death and birthdays
• Let them know that your are their friend and that they mean a great deal to you